Happy Halloween!
Hello Friend! Happy Halloween!!
For our friends who are trick-or-treating with little ones, I wish you a great bounty of delicious treats this year! And for those of you who are attending parties, I hope you all have a wonderful time and as always stay safe with your libations and transport. I will be attending a birthday party this weekend and then hand out candy on Halloween night. In the last few years, I have preferred to keep my costumes a lot more casual. Last year I was Kiki from Kiki’s Delivery Service and I’m strongly considering having that outfit make a comeback this year because it’s so comfortable.
Warning: I’m about to deep dive into some vulnerability with you from here out so if you’re not feeling up to it today, then I’ll see you next week!
Earlier this week, I was really struggling with my emotions about this blog. I really started to feel like I was just a giant failure. That this blog was just me talking into a void without anyone reading it at all. And that I was just aimlessly talking into a brick wall. It was a really low moment for me. It was triggered by a randomly resurfaced memory that I remembered in the shower (always those shower thoughts!), and had completely forgotten about for the last 15 years or so. I remembered a random night in college when I was playing trivia with my old group of “friends.” These people were extremely abusive toward me, but I also didn’t know what any other kind of friendship or relationship looked like back then. It was my turn to answer a trivia question. It was a pretty easy question but because there was pressure from my team to get it right and pressure from an unseen clock to answer quickly, I ended up panicking and answering the question incorrectly. Our team leader then went on to shout at me and belittle me in front of the entire party calling me stupid and wondering how I even was smart enough or good enough to hang out with this group. And not a single person in that room told him to stop or that his behavior was inappropriate. Silently they all agreed with him. I know this to be true because years later as we graduated from college, they expressed in many colorfully abusive ways how much they couldn’t stand me. I was even told by multiple people that they continued to talk behind my back even years after I stopped associating with them.
It was very rude of my brain to ask me to process that memory mid-shower, and as a result, I started to worry that I was terrible at socializing and that my blog suffered from RBF (Resting Bitch Face) just like I do and that no one wanted to read anything I wrote because I wasn’t good enough or some other personal failing I could convince myself of. However, all of those things are wrong. And the terrible things that my so-called “friend” at the time said to me were wrong too. It’s just very difficult for me to believe in myself and believe the best of myself without much support or reinforcement. And I think that can be said for just about anyone. This blog is outside of my comfort zone but I keep trying anyway, and I think for some people, building a Halloween costume or wearing something different for the holiday is outside of their comfort zone. But we all still keep trying even if it’s scary for us. And I will keep trying with this blog too. My feelings of inadequacy and failure will pass. (I hope.)
Blanket burritos with a dog solve all problems.
One of the things I learned in therapy is that anxiety and shame cannot exist in the same space as gratitude. So the only constructive idea I can think of to do about these feelings is thanksgiving related. (As hoping I’ll have readers is entirely outside of my control.) So for the Thanksgiving season, I’m going to do a thankfulness challenge. Each day I will post on Instagram something I am thankful for until Thanksgiving. I will summarize each week in the blog post as well. Friend, if you’re out there reading this, I encourage you to participate in the challenge too. It can help you get out of a slump or if your mind is cycling too much on doom-thoughts. And after all the stuff I just told you, I think I am definitely due for a revisit to thankful-ville.
If you’ve gotten through this post with me, Thank you very much. I hope I will be in better spirits next week and I will tell you all about the things I am thankful for. Take it easy and have a lovely week.
-Kristen
Please support Travel Empath by sending me a tip! You can also contact me via Facebook and Instagram, I’d love to answer any of your questions and hear your ideas about what you’d like to see in a future blog post!
